to: all.internal@lists.inet-direct.com
from: cube.04@inet-direct.com
subj: sexual harassment
if you feel you have been harassed sexually or mentally you must stand up and combat this kind of behaviour by sending a letter to the criminal..
the letter should -
The letter should be sent by registered mail or email with return receipt requested.
Ask your HR department to mail the policy to all employees.
Got this off the internal announcement mailinglist in the morning. Yogi.d sent it. The rumour mills have been turning overtime. Was this mail sent because she was the victim of sexual harassment recently ? or is this a subtle attempt warning us to change our behaviour ?
As usual, I'm in the forefront of mongering doubt and suspicion amongnst my collegues. Was Paranoid.pande the perpetrator of this heinous crime ? Have the romantic advances of the Supreme SysAd gone sour ? Can ANYONE send an "Anti-Harassment" letter ?? Stay tuned, as we explore the possibilities of sending out Anti-Harassment emails.
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Case of the Holy Cable
As a datacenter, we have a varied clientelle who entrust their precious data to us. One of them happens to be the financial backbone of 'TheSadhu.com' which averages a daily collection ranging upwards of $200k, sent via paypal from innocent westerners duped by the teachings of Swami Rajnikant Chakravoorty, Paallanpurwalleh.
A few days back The Swami personally came to our offices and respectfully requested if he could borrow the network cable hooked into his server. The crowd of religious fanatics chanting outside made us respectfully hand over the cable.
He came back a week later, having blessed the cable by seven different pious swamis. Supervised Jimmy.p hooking it back up. 2 hours later, Naggi reports increase in RTT for the packets. 4 hours later, his site's paypal transactions cross the $500k mark.
Doing a traceroute, we found a invisible hop between the switch and the machine. Where were these data packets going ?
[root@webserver-a-inet]$ /usr/sbin/traceroute thesadhu.com
traceroute to thesadhu.com (208.257.2.139), 30 hops max, 38 byte packets
1 <1 ms <1 ms <1 ms GATEKEEPER [192.168.0.1]
2 7 ms 5 ms 5 ms 203.199.112.89
3 6 ms 7 ms 8 ms 202.183.79.77
4 4 ms 5 ms 4 ms 202.183.66.21
5 4 ms 7 ms 6 ms 202.183.66.27
6 4 ms 4 ms 4 ms 202.183.68.223
7 6 ms 5 ms 5 ms 202.54.118.2
8 7 ms 6 ms 5 ms 202.54.118.5
9 9 ms 9 ms 6 ms 203.199.22.155
10 210 ms 210 ms 209 ms iar5-so-2-0-2.newyork.cw.net [208.173.135.217]
11 209 ms 210 ms 210 ms ae0-54.bbr2.newyork1.level3.net [64.159.17.98]
12 284 ms 283 ms 281 ms ¿
13 282 ms 283 ms 285 ms gig10-2.ipcol3.sanjose1.level3.net [64.159.2.169]
14 284 ms 285 ms 284 ms unknown.level3.net [64.152.69.30]
15 284 ms 284 ms 288 ms w1.rc.vip.scd.thesadhu.com [66.218.71.198]
Trace complete.
The current rumour making office rounds is that the data packets are being routed through to Heaven. The holy cable is actually working.
Businesshead's planning on implementing this as Value Added Feature for all our customers.
An open line to God.
I hope we don't end up spamming him.
"The universe is not aware of your existence. Relax!"
"Assumptions affect observation.
observation breeds conviction.
conviction produces experience.
experience generates behaviour.
which, in turn, confirms assumptions.
Is it reality you are responding to or your
assumptions about it ?"
-- The prayer of the Frog.
Humans move within a common state of a progression, one of natural ignorance to taught ignorance.
"we equate happiness to some value, thats our mistake, i feel relaxed and nice when i relate it to x, when there's a change in x, i'm not happy."
Adults have lost their convictions with which they upheld their crowns of mature authority while children have become full of passionate intensity which acknowledges the presence of intelligent extra-terrestrials but debates the existence of God.
Ray14 is one of 7 seven people in this world who can map and restructure the complex patterns in which information flows through the ethersphere. Have you seen the sandra bullock starrer 'The Net' where her identity gets stolen & reconfigured ? Ray14 is the guy who can do that but won't cause it's too boring.
He's my boss.
"A computer firm is a world unto itself. Corners occupied by developers, coffee machines drained empty by programmers who can't be bothered going home to shower, broken relationships, hypertense emotions and disjointed thoughts in various resolutions. It differs from an ancient corporate in only one way, the quest here is for the erotic thrill of knowledge...of converting raw data into information. And applying it.
It functions as a democratic heirarchy. Each group in its own class. Starting from Mgmt, Sysads, Coders, Support and Sales. The Accountants are in a privilaged class of their own. They are the one thread connecting us to the bitter tax brackets of reality.
Each class is a law unto itself, capable of being governed only by the most stringent of HR managers. This is why HR posts are more often than not filled by elderly women (27+) who look and act as matrons. Each class stays in its limits, never straying into the domain of another, except without prior permission. There are no over-the-shoulder snoopers. An email or chat window is cause enough to turn your head away while the recipient browses through it. Etiquette is the first thing a new recruit picks up.
Which moody coder to avoid, which sysad will reset your forgotten password without reporting it, how to live & breathe in sub-polar climate controlled temperatures and how not to go around bragging about your skills. Most offices have cadres, coalitions of subversives upon whom rests the future growth of the company.
They'll be the ones who dress down in chappals, torn tshirts & jeans.
Without a care in the world, they know exactly what they're capable of and their attitude shows it. Inquisitive and thirsty for new knowledge, they'll seldom laugh at geek jokes except amongst themselves.
But there's Freedom. Each and every good techhead knows that given time, he can learn and move himself into a different class. He may never possess the flair or mindset of a natural programmer but he can learn and improve himself. There are no barriers. The very nature of the EtherSphere allows unrestricted dispersal of information. The mind should be capable of absorbing, not merely browsing.
There is no discrimination, no one looking down on you. Every person takes the other's skillset for granted. Most will even try and help you explore their part of the binary realms. That is, unless you happen to be a Java programmer. Everyone knows Java sucks and you should probably resign yourself to spending the rest of your office life with other destitute java programmers, breathing up valuable oxygen and contributing only to the Gods of Bloat and NullPointer Exceptions."
- 'Corporate Rape of a Virgin Mind'.
a collabarative guide to managing IT workers.
As some of you might know, I have been operating an independent, per-minute update of Hive:Project's launch under the pseudonym of Action.Jackson..Unfortunately, someone in the company corporate structure has deemed it must stop. Following is an excerpt from the
--Launch.Monitor--
Today is the last day of Action.Jackson's continuous, real-time tracking of the WHI Launch. Mngmt has expressed concern over these posts, claiming business privacy and confidentiality issues...In deference, this site shall be put under password-restricted access on a local network from tomorrow. My comments will be under moderation by the company content manager. I will keep posting with every breath of my drowning voice.
Goodluck and God bless.
some more emails sent.
01:30AM
We have launched. Goodnight.
08:30AM
Servers blacklisted. Back to work.
In other news, theJavaGuy's been named the Development & Deployment officer in charge of the project. For the last 2 months now, he's been undercover, mixing & mingling with us, listening to us crib, whine, moan, groan & bitch about the project. Now he's heading it, armed with insider info. He knows all our quick workarounds and patches. He'll make us fix all of them.
Mngmt's perfect little mole inside the Pirates of Hive. This is the kind of business strategy that makes me proud to be working here.
Hive::Project is but a precursor to the LogicBox.
Trillions of bytes of data is generated every day. LogicBox is a distributed networking and software solution to parsing that data, correlating it and providing a box model. From cellphone bills to your hotmail account, every aspect of your digital life is logged, tracked and analyzed to provide a 85% accurate pattern statement for marketing companies, politicians and governments.
Now imagine a cluster of these LogicBoxes, working as one towards a common goal -- to predict you & your life.
With 85% accuracy.
Listening to Annie Lenox's 'No more I love U's'...jinesh's song. i hope he's doing okay. Even if he isn't, he can probably delude himself into thinking he is. we're 58 minutes to launch..i think about my life. 11:34pm in a small cubicle is where we change the economic globalscape, forever. May God forgive us.
The compliance officer, Paranoid.pande's walking up and down the hallway. The premises have been cleared of all personnel not actively working on the project. The final key rests in Paranoid.pande's left trouser pocket. A small, black oblong shaped plastic keychain with a LCD display that synchronizes it's internal password with the NeuLevel registry every 120 seconds by bouncing off signals from 9 different GPS satellites.
We're now 52 minutes to launch and planning a security breach to keep ourselves from passing out.
Paranoid.pande is 26, a Virgo. He reads Harry Potter and loves dogs. He's also very protective about his passwords. Tiewallah still has a black eye from when he tried to read Paranoid.pande's hotmail password by snooping behind his computer. It took 5 security guards to restrain him from bashing the slimeball's brains out. Paranoid.pande's passwords are scribbled on his sleeping bag which he carries around in a titanium-lined briefcase. He is a passionate company man and the only one who comes close to my level of paranoia.
47 minutes to launch. Time to shred his soul. AslamBhai, the local Don, will work with me on this, along with UltraSalesman. We'll publish his passwords on All.Internal, scarring him mentally for the rest of his life. We're now 46 minutes to launch.
Hive::Project Motto --> Can't Fix ? Obfuscate..
Jimmy.pathak - the Meditating SysAd believes himself to be a reincarnation of Jimi Hendrix. Meet him on chat and his opening line is "hmm..I see we chat again..". For those not familiar with HendrixTalk, he uttered the words "I see we meet again" to a crowd of 400,000 people at WoodStock'69. He goes to install servers and forgets them. (7 times). Comes to work on Sunday where he jams with mngmnt. Currently he's composing lyrics to sentimental songs written by our CDO.
HairyDushy.h - the Casanova SysAd got promoted to Systems Manager a month back, since then he's made it compulsory for everyone to call him Supreme SysAd or else he throttles off our bandwidth. Lala.x and me have corrupted his lungs to smoke the dark path of BombayBlack. Has a girlfriend called Uma who he's digitally cheating on. Construction work in office made us share our terminals with the support people, he spent most of his time chatting with Yogi.D.
Yogi.D - One of the cute ladies with specs. Sits quietly at her desk, wearing gold-rimmed specs, dusky brown hair cut a little above her shoulders and a facial structure that resembles Meg Ryan, with a lot more mature intensity. It's worthwhile mentioning here that our Supreme Sysad is a fan of Meg Ryan, or as he puts it "more than.. Just a fan"
Bowing under pressure from our Supreme SysAd, under the guise of doing research for my book, I'm forced to ask her the below questions -
q.1) What food do you like ?
q.2) what music do you like ?
q.3) what's your favourite icecream ?
q.4) what kind of movies do you like ?
q.5) do you beleive in God ?
q.6) do you fast for a good husband ?
q.7) what career do you see for youself in the future ?
q.8) is there something about you which you want people to know ?
She's also the only who chooses to ignore this questionaire. Goddamn Snob !!
{special.note}
she finally replied back,,this makes her even cuter in dushy's book...
q.1) What food do you like ?-- all types.. unconventional...
q.2) what music do you like ? all kinds.. Desert Rose.. all time fav.
q.3) what's your favourite icecream ?..... any thing will do
q.4) what kind of movies do you like ?English...
q.5) do you beleive in God ?Yes!
q.6) do you fast for a good husband ?No....
q.7) what career do you see for youself in the future ? hmm.... In security.. even in Landscaping...
q.8) is there something about you which you want people to know ?...hmmm...
Eskimo.d - The inter-office ChatBox and Holy Woman. another one of the cute ladies with specs. Gold rimmed. Long hair caged up in a ponytail. Dresses in salwar kameezes, always with a dupatta. mustn't forget, the Thuggee cults of 1830's practised strangulation with cloth shawls. she turns the climate control down to 9c and freezes the rest of us, only on saturdays..I still have to research if this has possible religious connotations..
she's also the only one who replied to my 'pretty lady' questionnaire -
q.1) What food do you like ?
Ans. Chinese (Veg), pani puiri, whatever my mom cooks..everything chatpatta, rasgulla...etc.its endless
q.2) what music do you like ?
Ans. Songs from hindi movies (oldies), few selected english songs..but i dont like rock music.
q.3) what's your favourite icecream ?
Ans Choco bar and all the flavours from Naturals ice cream parlour.
q.4) what kind of movies do you like ?
Ans Which have lots of humor..
q.5) do you beleive in God ?
Ans: Yes and its because of this faith in him that i still believe human beings
q.6) do you fast for a good husband ?
Ans Yes i did fast for a good husband (U can have a loud laugh now)
q.7) what career do you see for youself in the future ?
ans: housewife.
q.8) is there something about you which you want people to know ?
ans: the amount i talk everyone already knows about me
Gregory.dimitrovich - a russian expat who gets more calls than the company frontdesk from old friends forgotten in childhood. Strangely, his weekly call statements show only a quarter of the call costs he normally should be incurring. He's a student of philoshophy, always pondering the meaning of 'Freedom'. Strong sense of morality & duty makes him a primo communist. Sometimes I wonder, could the Komitet Godarstevenoy Besnoplasti be interested in an IT firm capable of changing the world ? I have gained his trust, or he simply tolerates me..none the less, I'm keeping an eye on him.
Amit.b - my division head. Natural spammer and code optimizer. keeps his personal life to himself. supposedly has a girlfriend, a steady one..started coding in java. It should be noted that so far, I've found only java guys having the time or inclination to go through the hard work of acquiring and maintaining female friends in real time. I've seen him scam google algos more than once..as warmup.
A strategic visualizer is a circle unto himself. Once assigned a task, he'll hunt down his goal like a rabid dog.
hmm..like a ninja, actually.
The more rigid a structure, the more fun can be had bringing it down from within. For the good of TheCompany, of course.
We have new HR managers coming in, if they're any good, there are bound to be changes. I shall wait and watch. I will learn. Human Resource Management can easily provide me with refined tactics to use in my own little insurgency.
I think these thoughts while we chalk out the business model for our coalition, based on LaLa.X's plan of modularity.
Sitting over plates of rice and fish cooked manglorian style with red curry, we climbed the first step of revolution. Change, within ourselves.
Within our perceptions.
I came across this press release I typed up in my first week of work. It's been 10 months.
10 long months of short nights and inebriated days. 10 months of code written, rewritten and trashed. sometimes implemented.
Web hosting company InetDirect has moved its servers out of 4 Bungalows, M.G Marg in Andheri and into it's newly built $2.3 million data center at Linkway Estate, Link Rd. Malad.
It was once a subsidiary of NetJenie, which filed for bankruptcy protection amid fraud charges against founder and former chairman Amar Sulekha and his two sons. InetDirect is renting the new data center from Patel Realty Ltd., the owner of the building.
The data center provides enough back-up power to keep the 174,000 Web-site clients of InetDirect up and running for a month without refueling, said the president and CEO of the Mumbai-based company, known only by his hacker nick, 'Ray14'.
The data center has a 3,300-gallon, 950-kilowatt diesel generator and a redundant battery plant located in a 30- by-297-foot room filled with dozens of batteries that could run the network if a prolonged blackout ever happened, Ray14 said. The batteries are bolted to a steel platform to keep them in place in case of an earthquake. The data center also has three 30-ton air-conditioning systems and a fourth standby system to cool the network, as well as five fire-suppression systems that displace oxygen, killing any fire and saving the costly equipment.
Armed guards patrol the grounds and company premises along with highly trained rottweilers. Ray14 said the company was "prepared for anything."
Now that InetDirect is in the 8,300-square-foot data center, the company plans to go after new customers who want to locate their servers at InetDirect's center. InetDirect is also starting what Ray14 called a "business continuity" service. Companies could back up their information at the data center in real-time and operate out of the data center if other offices were closed because of a catastrophe.
"Since 9/11, companies have been almost mandated to look at solutions such as this--to have an outside facility where they can maintain operations," Ray14 said. "We could offer a small office with a computer and telephone for an official of a company to come to this facility and maintain the critical operations."
InetDirect got its start in 1996. Ray14 was working as an intern during the day and tinkering with a $7,000 computer server on his dining table at night.
InetDirect reported revenues of $900,000 last year and expects to close this year with revenue of $1.3 million.
A ribbon-cutting to celebrate the opening of the new office is scheduled.
Downloading R
The file started our as a tar.gzip. It denied all attempts to download. Random names are assigned, efforts to alter the file system made. Supreme SysAdmin's running around checking manuals. Businesshead is wondering if the server should be locked down to protect the data's integrity. TieWallah, as usual, is roaming around expressing amazement at everyone's skill level.
Amit has mysteriously disappeared. Employee.x's login message springs to my mind. Could our actions have pushed him to this magnificent level of attacking the company's efforts directly ?
Is this his final stand ? A brave coder's final attempt to guide his beloved company back on the path of light & righteousness ?
Or is he just taking a leak ?
Stay tuned. As we find out.
Our repeated requests for playing music during work hours has resulted in the CDO playing piped music with subliminal messages to increase productivity.
the fare includes "Work hard!", "dont sleep!", "Obey Me!"
This is my kind of a company.
Joshi Lives!
the JoshiVirus is a boot sector infector written to display the msg "Happy Birthday mr.Joshi" on Januray 5th. It gained widepsread notoriety by January 1990 but has now become extinct. It was unique in the fact that it was India's first virus export to the world.
To gain experience as a system architect, I have commenced writing specs for a network virus which spreads using the internet but only infects machines connected to an internal LAN. Once executed, it'll hunt down the logfile folder of your chat client and share it locally, exposing all employee chats to my inquisitive eyes. If Mngmt can spy on employees, so can I.
As a mark of honour, I have christened it 'the Voice of Joshi'.
Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
The Beyond Within, is a phrase meant to evoke a ypical response "wooh..that's..deep !". Ever heard anyone say, "I seek Oblivion Lost" ? 87% of the time, you're response will be, "woo..thats..deep !"
Hive::Project
IP-to-person mapping. 7.9 terrabytes being processed to provide the ultimate tool for spammers. Mngmt says the defination of spam is "an automated process sending out unwanted commercial offers".
We're using 2000 data entry operators to sit and manually sort through the DB dump to send offers which we KNOW you want. This exempts us from the Anti-Spam laws.
I have thought it through. I am certain of the direction this part of the book will take. I will seek refuge in a desert of the Real, I will read, write & document all that occurs here.
I am the human keylogger. I am the HR nightmare come to life.
I am Cube.35 and this is where I work.
f*ckit all.
Conversations on IM can be severely indicative of your mental state.
Mngmt will always use 'k..' to say okay, single K and 2 dots.
Amit uses 'okee', which in my opinion, acts as a pacifier.
Manny never bothers replying his confirmations.
The JavaGuy's pc is called LethalMachine. He claims he's not a java programmer but a codecaster in C++ instead. I know the truth. He's the new HR manager performing in covert mode. His daily inspirational messages have given him away. I'm on full alert. His seating next to me is no coincidence.
After extensive research and carefull observation, I have reached the conclusion that females make the poorest of drivers. This isn't due to a lack of hand-eye co-ordination, as most commonly assumed. This is simply because women don't put their lives on the line every time they get behind the wheel. The truth is, Men are naturally hardwired to risk life and limb while performing the most mundane of tasks, like getting from point A to B in a steel coffin at 110mph.
I fear that genetic markup like this is going to aid Darwin's Evolution to slowly & surely weed out the weak. I fear my species is going the way of the humble Dodo and there's nothing I can do to aid my fellow Men. I have yet to accept my destiny of eventual domination by Females, due to their natural superiority.
There are 3 different degress of computer users.
- There are those who use the machine in their daily life and sometimes make an effort to find out more about it.
- There are ones who have grown up surrounded by technology and
And then there are people like Manny who live, eat, breathe & shit in binary. Fanatics who choose to be disconnected from real time & space.
Subject: [InetDirect-All.internal] Internal IM network down!!
Hi guys,
The internal IM server is down cos the server in which it is running has some hard disk related probs. It will be restored sometime tomorrow..
dushy
Like i don't know what this means. The keylogger rumours have passed.
Workplace privacy has become a passe issue. Unobserved and uncared about, the mngmt shall replace the HD with one corrupted by the stains of employee-produced profit.
Greg Thinks.
Gregory.Dimitrovich is a sacramental humanist. He believes a defination at once clarifies, at once limits. Upon being wished good luck & do well, he replies "Why Not ?"
had a freaky deja-vu happen. triggered by namit talking to amit about red and spaces..something..'poststable's id' keeps going popping up..i know i'm missing something...probable time loss here.
Brought on by digital fatigue & strain ?
Or should i be worried about mind control and subconcious memory implantations being carried out on us while we lie still through it like zombies ?
Why not ? i've been paranoid about everything else so far.
"the brave young man fails to make php output colourful graphs with shading effects. Hours turn into days of frustrated attempts at modifying libraries to no avail.
One day he walks in holding 'Java & You - the definative guide'.
2 days & a litre of coffee later, he can output shaded pie graphs with strokes worthy of a Picasso. He has given in to the sinfully bloated siren song of the servlet. He's also the only one who's walks the path of hard work & diligence. We surrendered our souls to the far greater evil of sloth & feet-dragging a long time back.
He too shall join us.
Check it out !
Archives:
Main Entry: para?noia
Pronunciation: "par-&-'noi-&
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek, madness,
from PARANOUS demented, from para- + nous (mind)
Date: circa 1811
1 : a psychosis characterized by systematized delusions of persecution
or grandeur, usually without hallucinations.
2 : a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive
or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others, usually
characterized by excessive substance abuse.
Paranous, a creation of Jinesh's Mind.
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