Find Me.

7 days of absence have made me lethargic. To combat this sudden bout of boredom,
I cut and pasted lines from MyCompliments.txt to the 3 ferocious office females.

Female 1.

[5:47 PM]< cube.35> I really respect your values about such and such...
[5:47 PM]< cube.04> !@#$$%^&*
[5:47 PM]< cube.04> u keep irritating m,e


Female 2.

[5:47 PM]< Cube.35> I really respect your values about such and such...
[5:49 PM]< Cube.46> :S
[5:49 PM]< Cube.46> wot r u talking abt?
[5:49 PM]< Cube.35> no idea...
[5:54 PM]< Cube.46> wot was it?
[5:55 PM]< Cube.46> tell me and tell me straight without streching... :)
[5:56 PM]< Cube.35> i guess i'm just trying to say your children will be pleasant and well behaved...
[5:56 PM]< Cube.35> they would have a good mother...
[5:57 PM]< Cube.46> n wot made u say that??


Female 3.

[5:47 PM]< Cube.35> I really respect your values about such and such...
[5:48 PM]< Cube.45> such and such?
[5:49 PM]< Cube.35> you can add what you like there...my compliments are very flexible...
[5:50 PM]< Cube.45> ? i cant understand wat u talkin abt


And as usual, routine Sedition goes on..

[6:11 PM]< Cube.35> I'm really impressed that you stood up for yourself like that. He had no right to treat you that way.
[6:11 PM]< Cube.45> ya absolutely i agree
[6:11 PM]< Cube.45> i know u r there with me jnu
[6:11 PM]< Cube.35> always...pirates forever !!!
[6:11 PM]< Cube.45> i shall get this to the hr's notice that the ceo is commenting on me
[6:12 PM]< Cube.45> hes not supposed to
[6:12 PM]< Cube.45> i am here to work not 4 ppl to notice me n comment!!!
[6:12 PM]< Cube.45> wat say jnu?
[6:13 PM]< Cube.35> i dont think you should let people make jokes about your size..
[6:13 PM]< Cube.45> i shall do somthin abt this
[6:14 PM]< Cube.45> n now i hope u arent gonna copy paste this conversation to anyone
[6:14 PM]< Cube.45> like u always do
[6:15 PM]< Cube.35> dream on..

The Death of Paranous.

I guess I could be pretty pissed
of about what happened to me...
but it's hard to stay mad, when
there's so much beauty in the
world. Sometimes I feel like I'm
seeing it all at once, and it's too
much, my heart fills up like a
balloon that's about to burst...

And then I remember to relax, and
stop trying to hold on to it, and
then it flows through me like rain
and I can't feel anything but
gratitude for every single moment
of my stupid little life...

--Lester Burnham.

[cube.35@server-inet-direct web]$ ls -al

total 9304

drwxrwsr-x    5 cube35   site859      4096 Feb 13 18:38 .

dr-xr-sr-x    5 cube35   site859      4096 Nov 13 13:53 ..

-rw-r--r--    1 cube35   site859       292 Mar 13 13:54 124-ips

drwxr-sr-x    2 cube35   site859      4096 Sep  6 13:11 directi

-rwxr--r--    1 cube35   site859   9320448 Jun 13 14:10 gms-requiem.mp3

drwxr-xr-x   12 cube35   site859      4096 Nov 13 15:19  

-rw-r--r--    1 cube35   site859    151907 Jul 11 14:55 hotndirty.zip

drwxr-xr-x    3 cube35   site859      4096 Oct  4 06:49 webstats

-rw-r--r--    1 cube35   site859      1040 Nov 13 18:38 winstall.txt

[cube.35@server-inet-direct web]$

On November 13th, 2003 the Inet-Direct servers went down for 7 hours, 29 minutes.

I did not cause this.

But I did take advantage of it.
Joshi virus (mentioned in a previous post), has found new homes.
70 network cables were unattached, 70 copies of our VirusGuard were manually updated. Via floppies.

By me.

From the office receptionist to the waiter downstairs, everyone is now a suspect. Mgmt troubleshooters are busy studying VirusCoder profiles to come up with the culprit. Waves of discontent are rippling through the department. The inability to function under such work conditions is being touted by all.

Distractions. My purpose is accomplished.

We are now tracking Loo-Usage.

By next month, every employee will be issued a proximity card.
After much discussion and subtle threats to HR, I have managed to get my card design customized to look more authoritative. But now I face a privacy crisis.

Everything is being logged. Total visits to the Loo, unique 'Flush' operations performed, amount of soap dispensed. BusinessHead is working on an angle to profit from this, but feeling charitable, he's agreed to subsidize costs for the toilet-paper.

All visitors will be given a visitor 'ID', each bootup requires biometric authorization, the server room has privileged access only. This mean, no more calling friends over for late night Surf parties and LanWars. Another source of income down the drain.

The feeling of impending doom which has followed me around since my childhood days has been hammering continously. While going to take a leak, I'm faced with horrendous visions of sudden pain shooting through my internals due to gallstones or ruptured kidneys. Paper cuts are making me numb with fear of infection and amputations. I'm scared something bad is going to happen to me. Soon.

So far I've been postponing bad luck by touching my forehead and/or wood but sooner or later, my misfortunes will catch up to me.

In more positive news, I have managed to get the board saying "Dogs & Jnu not allowed" removed from the support cabin. Also, people have stopped noticing I've been wearing formal, full sleeve shirts. This took exactly 37 days.

Perfect. From tomorrow, I shall come wearing black trousers and tucked in shirts, with polished black shoes.

As you can see, research is still ongoing for my new book "202 Ways to Screw Fellow Employee Equilibirum".

Today BusinessHead stood watch near the door as I opened Cube.45's OutLook and fwd'ed the picture of our CDO in his boxer shorts and tie to the all.internal list.

It seems my vibes have been busy at work. I'm proud of them.

Mother of God, Help Me!

I thought I could quit. I thought I could go cold-turkey. The tentacles of Jabber have enslaved me once again. Today, I got a message from Cube.46, I wasn't supposed to get it..Unfortunately, she typed it in my window. After 294 hours of isolation, I was ready to clutch out at any contact with a living being.


---
[4:55 PM]< cube.46> aren't u sure ???
[4:56 PM]< cube.35> i'm never sure...are you ?
[4:56 PM]< cube.46> yes always
[4:56 PM]< cube.35> how can you be sure when life itself is never sure ?
[4:56 PM]< cube.35> is our existence sure ?
[4:56 PM]< cube.46> atleast with things concerning me
[4:56 PM]< cube.35> no..
[4:56 PM]< cube.46> I was referring to ur status
[4:57 PM]< cube.35> i don't believe in the caste system or placing statuses on people..everyone is equal, some are just more lucky...
[4:57 PM]< cube.46> jinu u r mad
[4:57 PM]< cube.35> hmm...thats what my granny also told me...how did you know that yaar ?
[4:58 PM]< cube.35> do you know her ?
[4:58 PM]< cube.46> u think I do?
[4:58 PM]< cube.35> i'm not sure...are you ?
[4:58 PM]< cube.46> Yes, I am
[4:58 PM]< cube.35> exactly how sure are you ?
[4:59 PM]< cube.35> maybe you have her confused with someone else's granny ?
[4:59 PM]< cube.46> I don't know her but maybe v think alike....thats y that statement
[4:59 PM]< cube.46> no I have never spoken to anyones granny
[4:59 PM]< cube.46> so the quest doesn't arise
[4:59 PM]< cube.35> are you saying you think like a 67year old ?!!
[5:00 PM]< cube.35> what has happened rachna ?
[5:00 PM]< cube.46> I didn't say that....that was a PUN sentence
[5:00 PM]< cube.35> why have you become so serious in life ?
[5:00 PM]< cube.46> Coz of u jinu
[5:00 PM]< cube.35> are you using puns in self-defense of your unsure self ?
[5:00 PM]< cube.35> do you feel a compulsive need to be sure ?
[5:01 PM]< cube.46> Jinuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
[5:01 PM]< cube.35> is this sense of over achievement getting you down ? is that why you have white hair ?
[5:01 PM]< cube.46> Control Oye
[5:01 PM]< cube.35> are you sure ?
[5:01 PM]< cube.35> would you rather get back to your job & your work ?
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> I will come there and wack u now
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> really
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> u are MAD
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> Pagal
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> INSANE
[5:02 PM]< cube.35> exactly how sure are you of doing that ?
[5:02 PM]< cube.35> how can you be sure of my mental status ?
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> I am dead sure.....
[5:02 PM]< cube.35> have you been talking to my doctor ?
[5:02 PM]< cube.46> shut up
[5:02 PM]< cube.35> how do you know him ?
[5:03 PM]< cube.35> maybe he's lying about me !! maybe he's not even my doctor !!!
[5:05 PM]< cube.46> wanted to talk more but got to get back to work
[5:05 PM]< cube.46> U r CUTE!!!
---


That last statement, I admit, has managed to confuse me too.
After spending a considerable amount of company time, I have explored all possible tangents and have reached 3 conclusions -

1. Perhaps the females are catching onto the best ways of shutting me up.
2. Perhaps someone who knows me told them what to say around me ?
3. Perhaps the 2 loverboys with matching shirts are plotting a plan to delete me. Permanently.

In other news, the HR Dominatrix has been observed going on long tea/coffee/lunch/brunch breaks with our very own cube.25.
Is this the beginning of a soon-to-bloom romantic affair ?
Will Lala.x's heart be broken ?

Stay tuned.

oh...and another chat session..these poor suckers are getting drawn to me like flies to honey!!..snicker..snicker...this time, it's my favourite victim, YogiBear.

---
[5:07 PM]< Cube.04> snaps... ???
[5:08 PM]< Cube.35> send them over...
[5:14 PM]< Cube.04> wait
[5:14 PM]< Cube.04> can u access my system
[5:14 PM]< Cube.04> yogiBear
[5:14 PM]< Cube.35> hmm...i'm pretty sure i know who you are..i don't chat with strangers.
[5:15 PM]< Cube.04> idiot.. system name... yogiBear
[5:16 PM]< Cube.35> let's see, first you are abrupt with me, then rude, then downright insulting...and i'm supposed to do your work ?
[5:16 PM]< Cube.04> me bimaar hu
[5:16 PM]< Cube.35> is that your excuse for everything ? how long will you blame everything on your toe ?
[5:27 PM]< Cube.04> nahi...
[5:28 PM]< Cube.35> my question -- [5:16 PM]< Cube.35>
[5:28 PM]< Cube.35> your reply -- [5:27 PM]< Cube.04>
[5:28 PM]< Cube.35> what were you doing for 11 minutes ?
[5:28 PM]< Cube.35> why were you ignoring me ?
[5:30 PM]< Cube.04> i had gone some where
[5:30 PM]< Cube.35> leaving the support desk unattended ?
[5:31 PM]< Cube.04> dipesh is here
[5:31 PM]< Cube.04> i m not well
[5:31 PM]< Cube.04> having fever n a bad cold n a sore throat
[5:31 PM]< Cube.04> how can u be so inhuman to me
[5:32 PM]< Cube.35> it's easy....not at first, but after practise, i've become very good at it...
[5:58 PM]< Cube.04> wait
[6:13 PM]< Cube.04> u thr
[6:14 PM]< Cube.35> OH MY GOD !!! LOOK AT YOUR TIMELAPSE WOMAN !!! I COULD HAVE WALKED IN, SPOKEN TO YOU, DANCED A BIT AND COME BACK TO MY DESK IN THAT MUCH TIME !!
---

SWEET!!! DAVIDOFF COOLWATER IS SWEET??

I have never heard such an understatement before. That's as good as saying light purple lipstick looks nice. I can't believe girls can be dumb enough to falls for compliments which obviously haven't been given any thought or effort to think up.

It's sad, that the future of Mankind is to be dominated by such innocent conquerors.

Consequences.
I got a reply from the CDO today.

---
[12:58 PM]< CDO> hahaha ....... your plan backfired
[12:59 PM]< Cube.36> i wasn't ready to take you on yet,,,i'll have to practise a little more...
[12:59 PM]< CDO> hahaha ...... not really ...... david won the david v/s goliath ....
[1:01 PM]< Cube.35> hmmm...looks like i played my hand too soon..just keeping Mgmt and my collegues on their toes, as the Company Moral Manager
[1:01 PM]< CDO> u want your card to change to reflect this new self-bestowed title ?
---


Unexpected consequences, I admit. But the enemy always f*cks up a plan, which is why he's called the enemy. I ride the ChaosFlow, following the whirlwind to it's center. To take heat of my foiled counter-plot, I broadcast a little message to everyone on jabber.

------
< Cube.35> Neo dies. Machines win. Matrix 3. haha.
------


Since it's common knowledge I went for the Matrix:Revolution premiere last night, my disclosure of the movie's end wasn't greeted with enthusiasm. Following is the message I received from the company president.

---------
[1:09 PM]< Ray.14> basket .... ur sal is reduced to ZERO
[1:09 PM]< Ray.14> u r now officially a slave for life
[1:09 PM]< Cube.35> no worries yaar...for 2mbps i'll sell my soul
---------


I should have stayed at home today. I'm taping my mouth shut and disconnecting from Jabber. The only possible thing that can go wrong now is I go to meet 'Aunty' and get picked up by law enforcers.

touchwood.

FROM: CUBE.35@INET-DIRECT.NET
TO: CEO@INET-DIRECT.NET
SUBJ: HARASSMENT.

All i want is to get some work done, earn my pay. Thats why I put myself through the stress of waking up every morning, showering, putting on my clothes and coming to work. And what do I get ?

Conspiracies! plotted against me. By amateurs.

First, Businesshead msg'es me the transcript of his chat with Cube.14.

---
< Cube.35> [3:47 PM]< Business.H> dude, it seems you have a problemo...
natasha's felt bad cause you think you have competition after shes come in "the corner" was sort of crying and all..... i just asked her 10mins back why she was quiet etc and.........[3:48 PM]
---


Being a nice guy (pretending to be one, atleast) I msg'ed Cube.14, cutting & pasting Businesshead's chat into her window and enquired about her wellbeing, projecting a concerned but nonchalant tone.

------
< Cube.35> hello ?? are you okay ?
------


She replied back.

---------
< Cube.14> ya i am ok
< Cube.14> but i felt realy bad
< Cube.14> when u said all that
< Cube.14> i mean how u fee u have competiton.....i jus laugh coz i feel happy
---------


Hmm...Then Businesshead, like an amateur intriguer tries to push his projected truth deeper in my head. Something which a professional would never have attempted.

------------
[3:54 PM]< Cube.14> u shudnt have told jinesh namit,,wat will he feel now
he'll tink so ill abt me,, he'll say that shes such a stuck up she cant even take a joke!!
------------


And the young newbie (smelling of CoolWater) attempts to push it even further.

------------
< Cube.14> jnu wat is this u cant leave a conversation like this?? if there is somthing u have felt bad ....u can temme.. i am sorry. i didnt mean to hurt u
------------


And then, attempting to showing concern for a fellow teamster, Business.H sends me his chat with Cube.14.

---------------
< Business.H> [4:04 PM] he's joking ya... no he's not replyin to me also
---------------


Foolishness. The kind exhibited only in days of carefree youth. I don't hold it against them. They're young, they'll learn. I remember, when I was young, I too plotted and played. But age has shown me the error of my ways.

But of course, there's always the question of respect. If I keep a dignified silence, it'll give them a license to play some more. They lay down a challenge. According to the ancient laws of Man, I accepted.

Business.H has been getting one ring calls on his extension.

One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.
One ring. Stop. Pause.

But this is only a diversion. To distract them while I send you this email.
To ask you for justice! I place my faith in the system, a copy has been fwd'ed to HR.

I await your decision.
yours faithfuly,

Cube.35.
a humble employee.

Businesshead has now been called a 'Chugli-Thing' by the chocolate eating fiend on my right. My ears are now filled with sounds of innane girl-giggles and whispered endearements on a cellphone constantly plastered to radiation saturated ears and wafting through it all, comes the smell of Davidoff's Cool Water. Another dumbass invention of a guy thoroughly convinced women need more weapons to defeat us!

Today, she proudly announced "I'm going home..I'm hungry". Then she left. At 6:27pm. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Why didn't I think of this ? Instead of thinking up believable excuses and plots to spazz at home, I should have gone upto Businesshead and spoken my mind.

For the last few days, my psychic vibes have existed in a state of imbalance. The period of calm blandness which had pervaded the Company is now coming to an end. Another circle, another pattern.
Synchronicity mates with the seeds of entropy. Instead of resisting change, I'm using it's own agents to carve a hole for myself to crawl into.

The Newbloods have brought with them a sense of purpose and initiative which has rejuvenated the foul, acrid odour of constant profit. The cubes suck us to nurture the CompanyMother and we leech mana from the newbloods to let the great beast called Organization suckle our life. A vicious cycle. Of course, the newbloods will be drained, like us. But there's still time.

I might have accidentally let it slip that all chat sessions were logged. And documented. In front of a girl who never has less than 3 chat windows open on her screen at any given time of the day. One of those blinking Exodus windows will always happen to be the CEO's. The result was predictable. A full minute of silence while the implications of chat-logs sank in. Another minute to mentally go through the chat conversations before finally deciding, Yes..not all chats were harmless.

I joked about starting a union. For the employees. To safegaurd their rights. In her already weakened condition, Cube.14 found it to be a marvellous idea. In fact, a few more days next to me and she'll get the Union ratified through the CEO himself.

voila! I have my little insurgency, officially sanctioned and a figurehead to absorb all blame.

In other news, my fellow comrades lost beyond the wall, do not lose hope. I have not forgotten. The time shall come when we reclaim TheCorner!

A time of change. Of revolution.

Insurgency, Now!

My identity came under scrutiny today. Thankfully, my eel-like prowess managed to throw my pursuer off trail.


----------------
[6:06 PM]< cube.45> who said jamanbai then?
[6:07 PM]< cube.35> thats my school...i know it sounds funny...
[6:07 PM]< cube.45> dude....thats my question are you from jamanbai?
[6:07 PM]< cube.45> jns
[6:08 PM]< cube.35> SHUTTUP !!! which year ?
[6:08 PM]< cube.45> 96-97
[6:08 PM]< cube.45> you
[6:09 PM]< cube.35> 96 !!!! no kidding ?!!! or is this another of saurabh's practical jokes ???!!!!
[6:09 PM]< cube.45> nope dude ,,96-97.with amit
[6:09 PM]< cube.35> which amit ??!!1 apna amit ?
[6:10 PM]< cube.45> amit bhavnani
[6:10 PM]< cube.45> he's my batch mate
[6:10 PM]< cube.45> which yr did you finish
[6:11 PM]< cube.35> shuuttup !! aare i used to tease him with his gf in school all the time !!! i was in kapil's batch...i think a year senior to you guys...
[6:11 PM]< cube.45> give me some names
[6:12 PM]< cube.35> hmm..let's see there was kaushik,,,always wearing extra deo and kapil,,mostly i hung around with the gujju gang ?!! u know them, right ?
[6:13 PM]< cube.45> hmm, akhil almedia.,and nividita bijlani........
[6:14 PM]< cube.35> shiit...dosn't ring a bell...were they in my batch ?
[6:14 PM]< cube.45> dunno dude, did you know vishal shah
[6:14 PM]< cube.45> chirag shah
[6:14 PM]< cube.35> i knew vishal parikh...no shah...
[6:14 PM]< cube.45> i know vishal parek
[6:14 PM]< cube.35> chirag's the specy guy ?
[6:14 PM]< cube.45> yup
[6:15 PM]< cube.35> oohh...he went to the states or something, dint he
[6:15 PM]< cube.35> ??
[6:15 PM]< cube.45> so your two years elder
[6:15 PM]< cube.45> dunno about that
[6:15 PM]< cube.45> you remebetr your teachers , jolly kuriakose , lata munjal..
[6:15 PM]< cube.45> dolly edulberium
[6:20 PM]< cube.35> dude, all i remember is that school was the worst mistake of my life !!! i remember when i got into the fight with ramchandani in the bathroom !!! no one told him anything and suspended me !!!
[6:20 PM]< cube.45> hehe
[6:20 PM]< cube.35> infact, now that i know you're also from the same school for bullies, my whole opinion about you has changed...
[6:21 PM]< cube.45> which junior colege
[6:21 PM]< cube.35> how many kids did you bully ?
[6:21 PM]< cube.35> how many did you send home crying ??!!
[6:21 PM]< cube.45> none, had to keep a clean rep.....
[6:21 PM]< cube.45> cause mum was a teacher there
[6:21 PM]< cube.35> how many cannot sleep at nights, sacred with fear which you GAVE THEM ?!!!!
[6:21 PM]< cube.35> how many charles ??!!!!
[6:22 PM]< cube.35> HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF !!!
[6:23 PM]< cube.45> dude , relax
[6:23 PM]< cube.45> i wont kill you , mayb break a couple of bones
[6:23 PM]< cube.35> wooh...just kidding, i'm not from jamnabai...studied in g.d.somani, did my 11th in MMk then went off to perth...
[6:23 PM]< cube.45> :o.son of a gun
[6:24 PM]< cube.45> now im going to kill you

---------------